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In reading a book by Gary Chapman titled “The Five Love Languages,” I’ve honestly come to realize that I know very little about what love really is. While not completely shocked, I found that love is more than just the emotional and euphoric state that we inevitably find ourselves in at some point of a relationship – usually around the beginning. These feelings also inevitably fade and seem to vanish. At this point, most people would say that they feel like they’ve lost love. It’s at this point that you must redefine what love really is.

I’m sure almost every Christian has seen this verse at some point:

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

I’ll admit that my impression of love has been quite contrary to this. For the longest time, love was just a euphoric feeling I had because of someone else. Love is more than euphoria. It’s a constant altruistic behavior. Love isn’t about yourself. It’s about the other person. If you don’t realize that and act on it – things will fall apart. It’s not a possibility, it’s reality. I’ve witnessed it firsthand – being the one who finds his selfishness and desires ruining the relationship. So to anyone who thinks or knows that they’re in love – take this advice: Make the relationship about the other person. Find out what makes them feel loved and do it. Don’t just do it to keep the other person around, do it with passion and enjoyment, knowing that you’re making your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/whatever happy. Making the person you love and care about happy should make you happy in return. I know it does for me.

On mistakes I’ve made and how you and I can both learn from them:

Languages of Love

I’m sure many of you know that I love to talk. I love to talk so much that I’ll often interrupt a conversation – not the right thing to do. Something that caused problems in my last relationship was my inability to truly listen. This all comes back to the fact that love should be altruistic – not selfish like I’ve often made it. Friends, listen to what she/he has to say. Listen truly and carefully, as your goal should be to understand exactly how the other person feels and thinks. Pay attention to body language. If the other person feels and looks angry, sad, passionate – you’ll know. Clarify their feelings with questions – don’t just respond with “yeah” or a typical neutral answer like “okay.” Depending on the person, this listening shows how you love them. Not everyone recieves/needs love the same way.

Others need quality time to feel loved. Simple things like going out to lunch, picnicking, going for a walk/hike/ride, and even sitting down and just absorbing the presence of your significant other are examples of quality time. Your mentality should be that you are there to absolutely absorb your significant other’s presence and for no other reason than to show your love.

Note: I haven’t finished the book yet, but once I do – I’ll update this post or write another one.